I used to think life was hard until just now when I tried to take a long expo photo without a tripod and desperately needing to pee
Now I have perspective
Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you’re going to die.
Did I ever mention that time me and my friends combined forces to form Will Smith?
this kinda shit is when u quit the match bc this team is way too well coordinated
Bashir’s face when he first meet Garak. A study in being uncomfortable.
WHAT DID PEOPLE DO BEFORE GOOGLE
i feel bad for twins that aren’t equally attractive
this was me and my twin prom night
thank you for the text post
another year, another disappointment
Why are you wearing the same clothes??
I haven’t moved in a year
“I’m a writer” I whisper as I look up war statistics
“I’m a writer” I whisper as I look up when the blender was invented
“I’m a writer” I whisper as I figure out how many times you can get shot without dying
“I’M A WRITER” I shout when someone uses my laptop and I left the page open to stab-wound references.
“I’M A WRITER!” I yell as I stare at a wall for hours instead of actually writing.
I cried reading this.
One time I was playing The Sims. My kid had a soccer game, and while the teams were huddled up, I changed to buy mode and put washing machines around the opposing team, enclosing them within their detergent scented prison. Thanks to my ingenious strategy, my child’s team was able to take the ball from the opposite goalie and score repeatedly. By the time the clock ran out, we were up 46-0, and the opposing team was sobbing in puddles of their own piss. I am the best soccer mom.